MajorMud Hillbillies

Come and listen to a story bout a man named Jed,
A hard MajorMudder barely kept himself fed.
But one day Jed was hacking through some rooms,
And up through the ground came a bunch of shrooms.
Strange that is...poisonous....deathly ill...
Well the first thing ya know, Jed's running round in here,
The local scripter said "Jed, get outta here!"
He said the local healer is the place you outta be,
So he loaded up his hatchet, ending up in the laby.
Warp rooms that is...minotaurs...banshee...
Well his first minotaur knocked him really bad,
Jed was looking pretty hurt, and feeling kinda sad.
He ran into the banshee, and she gave him quite a blow,
Next thing ya know..he was looking really low.
Red hit points that is...panting...slow death...
His breathin's gettin heavy, and he's still feeling ill,
Can't find the damn healer, so decided to give a yell.
There's usually no answer, but maybe this'll be the day,
He sees the gossip comin, "that sucks, AFK".
Away from the keyboard that is...unmaned...autopilot...
Jed thought to himself, I'm gonna die for sure,
Poison's been here 20 minutes, and dont have a cure.
Can't find the healer, can't rest or even run,
I'm dropped to the ground, this just isn't fun.
Negative hitpoints that is...deathrow...loss of items...
Those shrooms had to be bugged, cuz now I'm gonna die,
If Lance doesn't believe me, he should give them a try.
Finally found the healer by paying the death bill,
Take off again to find, I'm still feeling ill!
Gonna be rerolled that is...non-existant bugs...My ass...
Ya'll come back now, ya' hear?

Many thanks to Kelly Girl of Cybercat Online, Orlando, FL!